By June Mathews
I’m almost afraid to ask this question because somebody in the TV industry is liable to take it as a challenge and run with it. But I’m going to ask it anyway: Could the airwaves possibly be any more jammed with college football coverage these days?
If you’ve somehow missed the wide selection of games available for viewing on any given fall weekend (and sometimes during the week), well, you must be living on another planet. All you have to do is scroll down the TV menu to see the abundance of options. It used to be that only a few big games were aired each week. But cable TV, mainly ESPN and its many offspring, has changed that, and we’ve got football coverage up to our eyeballs.
Now don’t get me wrong. Like any true Southern girl, I love a good football game. Though I may not totally understand all the rules, I know which end of the field my team is supposed to be running for, and I know what constitutes a score. I can jump as high and cheer as loudly as the next person when my team scores a touchdown, and when my team wins, I’m as thrilled as any other fan. But honestly, watching one or two football games a week is plenty for me.
Jimmie, on the other hand, monitors every game he can possibly manage by flipping from channel to channel. He knows who’s playing whom all over the country and who’s got to win what game in order to boost his chosen team in the rankings. He knows the names of the coaches and their star players. He knows their mascots. He knows their colors. I’m pretty sure he knows more about college football than he knows about me.
Sometimes it takes all the restraint I can muster to keep from snatching the remote control out of his hand and conking him over the head with it. Channel surfing can be aggravating any time but during football season, it can get downright confusing for the one not doing the clicking. It’s not unusual for me to think I’m watching one ballgame when I’m really watching another because Jimmie changed channels when I was either out of the room or not paying attention.
And just as he’s generally oblivious to any issues I may have with his channel surfing, Jimmie hardly notices whenever our two skittish little Chihuahuas hurry from the room to seek shelter whenever he starts yelling at the TV. He’s too busy juggling his multiple roles as armchair quarterback, coach and referee – for multiple games, no less – to be aware of anything except for what’s happening on the screen. With all those responsibilities, no wonder he’s exhausted at the end of the day. Poor baby. Not.
But, hey, I’m not alone. I learned the other day that my friend Renee deals with similar autumn issues at her house, and I suspect we’re not the only wives to do so. Whenever she gets her fill of football, however, she simply moves from the big screen in the den to a smaller TV in the bedroom and watches the Hallmark Channel. While I’m not certain I can stomach more than one or two Hallmark movies in a sitting, it might be worth a try the next time I’m suffering from football overload.
And truthfully, removing myself to another room and watching a few romantic movies might save my marriage in the long run. I hear snatching the remote control out of a husband’s hand and conking him over the head with it is liable to cause domestic problems, and I wouldn’t want to go there, now would I? Or would I? Hmmm…. I’ll let you know next Saturday.
Email June Mathews at jmathews120@charter.net.