By Dixie Dreamer
Happy New Year, my loves! A fresh start, a blank slate, and—hopefully—a dating life free from drama. But as we venture into this brave new world of dating apps, blind dates set up by overenthusiastic friends, or trying out relationships after years on your own, I couldn’t help but wonder… are we better at spotting red flags, or are we still ignoring them like a cupcake display during Dry January?
I Couldn’t Help But Wonder…
When we think about relationship problems, we often picture grand, sweeping gestures of toxicity—the yelling, the cheating, the soap opera-worthy betrayals. But emotional abuse? It’s the stealth bomber of relationship issues. It sneaks in under the guise of love, wrapping itself in concern and care, until one day, you’re questioning your worth, your sanity, and that person who used to love their independence. Recognizing emotional abuse isn’t always easy, but sweetheart, it’s absolutely necessary.
The Subtle Red Flags You Can’t Afford to Overlook
We’ve all heard the saying “love is blind,” but should love also come with blinders? If they’re monitoring who you talk to, insisting you ditch your friends, or punishing you with cold silences whenever you push back, that’s your cue to ask, what’s going on here? Emotional abusers aren’t the mustache-twirling villains of a soap opera—they’re far more subtle, and their tactics can creep in little by little.
Red flag number one? Constant criticism cloaked as “just being honest.” Sure, we all appreciate a little constructive feedback, but if every outfit you wear, joke you crack, or goal you set ends with their rolling eyes or a snide comment, that’s not love—it’s control. Then there’s the gaslighting, where you’re left wondering, Wait, did I imagine that argument, or was it really my fault we fought about takeout last night? Trust me, you didn’t forget, and it wasn’t your fault.
Another sneaky red flag is isolation disguised as affection. “I just want you all to myself,” they might say, while making what sounds like a compelling argument as to why your old friends are toxic, why your mom calls too much, or why you don’t really need weekly brunch with your coworkers. What starts as flattery ends with you feeling alone. And finally, perhaps the most glaring flag of all? They make you feel small instead of celebrating who you are. If they’re afraid of your loud laughs or big dreams, it’s not because you’re too much—it’s because they’re not enough.
Expert Advice to Heal and Rebuild
To bolster my case, I reached out to my dear friend Terry, a licensed therapist who specializes in emotional abuse recovery. According to him, emotional abuse is fundamentally about power dynamics. The abuser seeks to establish dominance by chipping away at your confidence and independence. “Abuse in any form thrives in secrecy and silence,” he told me. “That’s why the first and most important step is recognizing that what you’re experiencing is not normal or healthy.”
But what if you’re sitting here thinking, Dixie, this sounds familiar, but what do I do now? Start by acknowledging the reality of the situation, and don’t go into fixer mode. Emotional abusers are rarely interested in meeting you halfway. Instead, start building your support network. Talk to friends and family you trust, professionals who can offer guidance, or even local domestic violence organizations that understand emotional abuse.
Terry also emphasized the importance of self-compassion. “You can’t begin to heal until you forgive yourself for staying too long or not seeing the signs earlier,” he said. “Recovery is a process, not a one-and-done decision.”
Support Is Always Just a Click or Call Away
If you need support, you are not alone. National organizations like the Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) or resources like loveisrespect.org can point you in the right direction. Whether you need help to plan an exit strategy, finding counseling options, or just want someone to listen, know the help is there.
And hey, don’t forget that your own mental health should be as much of a priority as edging in more kale this year. Take time to reconnect with things that make you – YOU. What about trying that pottery class again or dusting off the yoga mat you bought during quarantine? Treating yourself kindly is the start of a great relationship—with yourself and others.
A Year for Fresh Starts and Fearless Futures
If you’re a parent of a dating-aged child, recently divorced, or simply dipping your toes back into the dating pool, my message is this: prioritize your mental and emotional well-being over everything. Spot the red flags, keep a level head, and remember—a partner is supposed to add, not subtract, from your life.
I’d love to hear how you’re kicking off 2025 and starting your year anew! Share your stories, thoughts, and even dating disasters (we’ve all been there!) by emailing me at Columnist@ICHBWColumn.com. And if you haven’t already, follow me on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter @ICHBWColumn for more advice, musings, and just a pinch of sarcasm.
Here’s to a year of loving yourself first! Stay fabulous!! XOXO
