In the age of fast food, fast fashion, and fast love, I couldn’t help but wonder: is there still room for the slow burn? Or are we all just swiping right past the good stuff?
We live in a world where everything is instant. Need a ride? Open an app. Hungry? Delivery in 20 minutes. Want a date? Swipe, match, and voilà—your potential soulmate is a text away. But when it comes to relationships, can something that’s built in a flash really stand the test of time?
I’ll admit, I used to be the queen of cannonballing into relationships. The old me—let’s call her “Tanna 1.0”—was all about the grand gestures and whirlwind romances. I’d dive headfirst into the deep end, no life jacket, no hesitation. It was thrilling, sure, but it was also exhausting. And more often than not, I’d find myself treading water, wondering why things fizzled out as quickly as they began.
But now, older and (hopefully) wiser, I’m trying something new. Let’s call it “Tanna 2.0.” Instead of cannonballing, I’m dipping my toes in the water. I’m letting the relationship breathe, giving it space to grow naturally. Or at least, that’s the plan.
Here’s thething: it’s not always easy. There are moments when I find myself backpedaling instead of jumping all in, haunted by the ghosts of past failed relationships. I’ll ask myself, Am I really ready for this? After a great weekend together, I’ll suddenly crave “me time,” questioning if I even want a relationship at all. The answer is yes—of course I do. But then the scared Tanna chimes in with a resounding, Heck no! It’s a battle—a tug-of-war between the part of me that wants to build something meaningful and the part that’s terrified of getting hurt again.
And yet, there’s something beautiful about taking your time. It’s like savoring a slow-cooked meal instead of scarfing down fast food. You notice the flavors, the textures, the little details that make it special. In relationships, that means meaningful conversations, gradual trust-building, and really getting to know someone beyond their profile picture or their perfectly curated Instagram feed. But let’s be honest—patience isn’t exactly sexy. In a culture that glorifies instant gratification, waiting feels like a lost art. We’re so used to getting what we want, when we want it, that the idea of taking things slow can feel… well, slow.
And yet, isn’t that where the magic happens? Think about it: the best things in life take time. A great novel, a fine wine, a career you’re proud of—none of these happen overnight. So why should love be any different?
I recently started seeing someone, and for the first time, I’m trying to embrace the slow burn. Instead of rushing to define the relationship or planning our future wedding (don’t act like you haven’t done it), I’m focusing on the present. I’m asking questions, listening to answers, and letting the connection unfold naturally.
It’s not always easy to quiet the voice in my head that says, What if this doesn’t work out? or What if I’m wasting my time? But then I remind myself: the slow burn isn’t about the destination—it’s about the journey. It’s about showing up, being present, and letting things unfold in their own time. And here’s the thing: when you take your time, you start to see people for who they really are. You notice the way they treat strangers, the way they handle stress, the way they light up when they talk about their passions. You build a foundation of trust and respect, brick by brick, instead of trying to slap together a house of cards.
Of course, the slow burn isn’t just about romantic relationships. It’s about all connections—friendships, family, even the relationship you have with yourself. In a world that’s constantly rushing, there’s something radical about slowing down and being intentional.
So, how do we embrace the art of the slow burn? Start by putting down your phone. Seriously, put it down. Look up, make eye contact, and have a real conversation. Ask questions that go beyond “What do you do?” or “Where are you from?” Be curious. Be present. And most importantly, be patient. Relationships, like anything worth having, take time. They’re messy and imperfect and sometimes frustrating, but they’re also beautiful and rewarding and worth the effort.
So, I couldn’t help but wonder: in a world of instant gratification, is there still room for relationships that take time to build? I think there is. But it’s up to us to make the space, to resist the urge to swipe past the good stuff, and to savor the slow burn.
What about you? Have you embraced the art of the slow burn, or are you still cannonballing into the deep end? I’d love to hear your story. Email me at ichbwcolumn@gmail.com and let’s keep the conversation going. Because in the end, isn’t that what it’s all about? Taking the time to connect, to grow, and to build something real—one slow, beautiful step at a time. Until next time, keep that chin up and stay fabulous! XOXO
